Independently Dependent.....

"An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile - hoping it will eat him last."

~Sir Winston Churchill

 

"Every day you may make progress. Every step may be fruitful. Yet there will stretch out before you an ever-lengthening, ever-ascending, ever-improving path. You know you will never get to the end of the journey. But this, so far from discouraging, only adds to the joy and glory of the climb."

~Sir Winston Churchill

 

"The conception of two people living together for twenty-five years without having a cross word suggests a lack of spirit only to be admired in sheep."

~Alan Patrick Herbert

 

"I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life."

~Rita Rudner

 

"A great marriage is not when the 'perfect couple' comes together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences."

~Dave Meurer

 

"Nearly all marriages, even happy ones, are mistakes: in the sense that almost certainly (in a more perfect world, or even with a little more care in this very imperfect one) both partners might have found more suitable mates. But the real soul-mate is the one you are actually married to."

~J. R. R. Tolkien (1892 - 1973), Letter to Michael Tolkien, March 1941

 

Last Sunday my husband, Jack, and I celebrated our 30th wedding anniversary...and it has been 30 years of growth, excitement, conflict, annoyances, mistakes, regrets, forgiveness, anger, fear, patience, IMpatience, appeasement, passivity, laughter, FUN, travel, pain, ignorance, wisdom, love, stuggle and great joy.

 

Jack and I are VERY different.....anyone who knows us gets that immediately. In our initial marraige counselling by the pastor who married us....we were asked if we REALIZED how very different we were and were we prepared for the challenges of life together. We were 21.....we were clueless, arrogant and quite sure we knew better than he did that "love would conquer all"!  What he did not realize is that we were more than "in love"....we were committed to one another.....we actually needed to be who we are for one another.....we knew it then and we are still very aware of it to this day. 

 

As I look back on these 30 years....I realize that what the pastor foresaw was the difficulties that a highly emotional and strongly opinionated, blunt, fun-loving, spirited woman married to a quiet, calm, reserved, analytical, homebody-type, peace-loving man would create some interesting challenges for the future. He was not far off base! We have had a wild roller-coaster ride these 30 years!!!

 

We are the balance for one another.....like two weights on a fulcrum.....balancing life for one another. Our extremes of personality provide the needed "equal but opposite reaction" that maintains stability in our lives. Jack has been for me the safe place from which I can "jump off the cliff" and fly..... he isn't going anywhere....he will always be there.....watching and giving me the needed input I require as I spread my wings and take on the challenges that I seek out and take on. It use to scare him....probably still does.....but he has supported me in my ventures and my growth as a person, even when he didn't necessarily agree with my methods and plan. Many times I needed his disagreement to actually create the energy to move forward...like a rocket needs the earth to remain solid and in place as it takes off with the force of the engines firing against gravity to shoot into the air and out into space.......to take on the challenge to prove to myself and to others that I could accomplish my dreams....to become fully "independently dependent".

 

Certainly there were days, even months, when I wanted to choke him in his sleep......and I am quite sure he has had thoughts of wanting to push me off that cliff and be done with the insanity of life with me! The thoughts of living in prison for the rest of my life for murder was a big deterent, at least for me....and the mood usually passed as we talked things out. AND we have had it out with each other..... man, have we had it out with each other!!!!!! And not spoken to each other for extended periods of time......we have both thought the other was crazy or aweful or whatever.....and then have come back around to accepting the truth that we are just very different and that the differences are what make our marraige great.

 

The greatest compliment Jack has ever given me through all of it was a couple of months ago...when in the midst of a heated discussion....he told me that he appreciated that he ALWAYS knew where he stood with me. That felt so good...it felt so respectful of who I am....it honored me in ways that I can't even explain. And to come from him meant more than a thousand accolades from anywhere else.

 

More than anything, I love my relationship with Jack.....it is honest, faithful, clear, loving and independently dependent. I can count on Jack. We choose to be together because we want to be together. Neither of us "needs" the other....and yet we are our best when we are together. We call each other up to a higher level of integrity, love and challenge. My mom once told me that we were a "matched pair"......and I agree. In all these years I have not wanted anyone but him.....never even considered wanting anyone but him.....it is just not who I am.

 

Life is about to change again for us....our twin daughters are graduating from high school on Saturday....and going off to college in August. With Amy already married and on her own.....we will be back to just Jack and I.....back full circle to where we began. The next 30 years will be interesting.....and I am quite sure filled with growth, excitement, conflict, annoyances, mistakes, regrets, forgiveness, anger, fear, patience, IMpatience, appeasement, passivity, laughter, FUN, travel, pain, ignorance, wisdom, love, stuggle and great joy. AND I would not trade life with Jack for anything out there!

 

"Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the LORD deal with me, be it ever so severely, if anything but death separates you and me."

~Ruth 1:16-17 ( the verse that we selected to be on our wedding invitation 30 years ago)

Extreme Dreams, LLC
Kathy Douglas
President
10603 Grant Rd. Ste 110
Houston, TX 77070
Office - 281-890-5034
Fax - 281-890-0300
Cell - 713-398-7304
www.extreme-dreams.net/
www.extremedreamsevents.com

kathyd@extreme-dreams.net

"Helping people enjoy the Journey as much as the Destination"

Visit my coaching journal at:

http://extreme-dreams.blogspot.com/

 

 

Savoring the dreams for my children....

"True creativity quite simply starts with balancing your emotions and activating the power of the heart. Through practicing emotional management from the heart, you tap into the highest form of creativity possible--recreating your perceptions of reality."

~Doc Childre

 

"Love does not only transform our mental/emotional nature, it also involves the physical system of our body which goes through profound changes as well."

 ~David McArthur

 

"To understand the heart and mind of a person, look not at what he has already achieved, but at what he aspires to."

~ Kahlil Gibran

 

"Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart ... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens."

~Carl Jung

 

"Courtesies of a small and trivial character are the ones which strike deepest in the gratefully and appreciating heart."

~ Henry Clay

 

"One of the hardest things in life is having words in your heart that you can't utter."

~James Earl Jones

 

Last night I sat at dinner with my three beautiful daughters and my son-in-law. It was one of those times when I could not express in words what was in my heart. I was so overwhelmed in that moment.....so proud, so relieved, so encouraged and so loved.....and soooooooo much more. It was our "Mother's Day " dinner to be together....as well as to honor Sara and Sydney's accomplishments as they finish up their High School years.

 

Four years ago, Amy was graduating.....and it was a time of celebration for her sticking through VERY tough times and challenges.....and MAKING it to graduation. It was an incredible achievement in the face of circumstances that were overwhelming and seemingly impossible. She showed an extreme level of commitment and strength as she walked across that stage.....and we all breathed a sigh of relief! Her life has taken turns that no one could have foreseen and she has battled through as a true warrior and become a powerful woman. As I sat next to her last night....I reveled in the joy of the woman she has become. There had been days that I would hold onto the dream of her life.....what I knew in my heart that she wanted and desired....a husband, a family and friends who love and honor her, and a job coaching gymnastics where she can grow and flourish. She is creating that life, and I am so thankful and grateful for the opportunity to see her life begin to blossom.

 

Four years ago, Sara and Sydney sat at Amy's graduation and dreamed of theirs. Sydney wanted to have all of those achievements around her neck that she saw on the top students. She set her sights on graduating in the top 10% of her class .....she is in the top 8%! She has received many honors that will be hanging on her graduation gown on May 27th....she has achieved what she dreamed about those many years ago. Sara also dreamed of many of those honors and she will also wear the National Honor Society shawl and other designations of her achievements. Her goal has been to play tennis in college, and that she will...on a scholarship that she worked hard to receive. Last night I watched my daughters cross the stage at the Senior Awards night at their High School as they were recognized for the scholarships for their academic achievements, their athletic scholarships in tennis and soccer, and the music scholarship that Sydney has received. It was a great joy to watch them cross the stage they had dreamed of four years ago....and receive the awards they had set their sights on and worked diligently to earn.

 

The most beautiful part of the evening was the discussion we had at dinner. It was a great joy to hear my girls tell me that they were very clear about the truth that enjoying their lives while achieving their dreams was the greatest reward. They shared that many of the top achievers last night were unhappy and stressed and their lives were a mess....and as they have watched their friends OVER-work and OVER-achieve.....they made decisions not to let their goals become their god....but to simply do the best they could and enjoy the rewards of their achievements. Hearing those wise words from their young hearts gave my heart such a level of peace and comfort as I reflect on the future.....their heading off to a far away college in North Carolina.....knowing that they are so prepared for success in life.  

 

It was one of the best Mother's Days of my 22 years as a mother. There have been 22 of these days for me.....some have been great fun, others unbelievably painful......all have brought me and my children to this one.....the best one! The journey was what it was and I have been fully present to all of it.....and the beauty of what has become real as a result  of all of it is breathtakingly beautiful. I am so enjoying this leg of the journey....and have this sense that the fun has only JUST begun!!!!!

 

"I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth."

~ John in 3 John verse 4

 

Extreme Dreams, LLC
Kathy Douglas
President
10603 Grant Rd. Ste 110
Houston, TX 77070
Office - 281-890-5034
Fax - 281-890-0300
Cell - 713-398-7304
www.extreme-dreams.net/
www.extremedreamsevents.com

kathyd@extreme-dreams.net

"Helping people enjoy the Journey as much as the Destination"

Visit my coaching journal at:

http://extreme-dreams.blogspot.com/

 

 

Traveling through the storms of life....

"One ought never to turn one's back on a threatened danger and try to run away from it. If you do that, you will double the danger. But if you meet it promptly and without flinching, you will reduce the danger by half."

~Winston Churchill

 

"Certainly, travel is more than the seeing of sights; it is a change that goes on, deep and permanent, in the ideas of living."

~Miriam Beard

 

“In our lives there is bound to come some pain, surely as there are storms and falling rain; just believe that the one who holds the storms will bring the sun.”

~Anonymous

 

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

~Robert Frost - The Road not Taken

 

It seems we have had a lot of storms here in Texas lately. Texas storms can quickly become what my dad calls "toad stranglers".....must be a west Texas thing! These storms can be dangerous and yet beautiful....and they usually come when the land desperately needs the rain.

 

One of my favorite parts of my business is the opportunity I get to travel. Having moved so much in my life, there is a sort of comfort I get from traveling....almost like it is the norm for me....it is where I find myself most able to focus on what God is doing and saying to me in my life.....almost EVERY great conversation I have had with God has been in a car!!!  

 

Every once in a while I get to travel with one of the artists I work with, which gives me the opportunity to get to know them better.....to learn about their lives, to talk about the things that matter most to them, to hear their heart....to see and observe them as they really are. The road seems to do that for people.....the long drive gives plenty of open space to meander through conversations....and get past the everyday niceties that cloud our daily exchanges.

 

I had one of these opportunities a couple of weeks ago with the newest artist on our roster, Matt Brouwer. We packed a lot into the conversations in that drive up to Dallas because I was intending to stay in town with my brother and visit with some friends the next day.....while the band returned back to Houston after the show. Everything went better than planned when we got to Dallas.....we even got to hook up with an important radio programmer who we were concerned we would be unable to catch! Then we arrived at the site for the concert....and it was pouring down rain! The college students who had planned the event did not cover the stage and it was finally decided that the rain won.....the bands were unable to perform. Everyone was disappointed.....and it was very early to have to give up....but things were getting worse, not better. These things happen in the music business and it is best just to cut the losses and go home. In the meantime, I found out that the friends I had planned to hook up with the next day had to go out of town.....and I found myself feeling that there was so much work to do back in Houston that I needed to go home too. It was early and the drive would get me back at a relatively early evening.....I THOUGHT!

 

In making that decision, I had no idea what I was getting myself into.....but God in His infinite wisdom knew....and He prompted Matt to ask if I would like for him to ride back with me. I had originally looked forward to a good long time alone in the car with a good long conversation with God......but immediately I sensed that this was a great offer, so I gladly accepted the company.

 

The road home was nothing less than treacherous!!! A storm, that later I learned had tornadoes in it!!!!!!!....was sweeping through Central Texas. A drive that took us 3 1/2 hours to come up to Dallas took us 5 hours to return. It was a journey that God has used to teach me so much as I look back on it.

 

We had a choice to make at every mile.....to enjoy the show or allow fear to overwhelm us. We ended up swapping stories about the incredible storms - rain and snow - that we had experienced in our lives. It wasn't a conscious decision....it was one that came as a result of the peaceful knowing that in the past, we had each gone through these things and we had been OK.....and sharing the stories seemed to be God's way of reminding me that He was and always has been there with me, in the midst of the storm....and if my traveling companions are calm and trusting, they are able to support me in the challenges along the road that would otherwise have washed me away.

 

At one point, the storm was so bad that we had to get off the road and get under the shelter of a gas station overhang. The wind was so powerful that the rain was horizontal.....and impossible to see through! We were able to call the other car and check on them....and they were having quite a time themselves! Thoughts of finding a restaurant and hanging out until the storm passed ran through my mind....but quickly I saw that the rain was coming down vertically and sensed that it was time to continue moving forward. Soon we outran the storm and breathed a sigh of relief as we finished the journey on drier roads.

 

What occurred to me the next morning as I listened to the thunder and watched the lightening light up the morning sky at home....was that the storm had followed us to Houston. If we had decided to wait out the storm and let it pass somewhere along I-45....we would have simply gotten behind it and had to go through it ALL OVER AGAIN!!!!!! It was far better simply to continue on....and get to the other side of the storm. No matter how difficult the circumstances of our lives, I was reminded in that storm that God's provision for our well-being is always available. I was so glad to have Matt along with me, his calm demeanor, his sense of awe and wonder at the beauty of the lightening and the grandeur of the power of the storm helped me through, he was God's provision for me to help me focus on God in the storm rather than my fear....I am quite sure that though I would have made it home that night had I been alone.....I would have been scared out of my mind!!!!!

 

How many times in life has God provided for me someone to walk or ride through the storms of my life??? How many times have I chosen to accept that gift and how many times have I thought in my arrogance "I don't need anyone's help...I can do this alone!"  I am incredibly independent and confident in my own abilities to handle life.....and I can fall easily into the hole of thinking that I don't need other people, it is my wound usually talking and my fear of being hurt by others that causes me to strike out on my own....but Matt has reminded me so many times that we are made for community......and we need one another. Thank you, Matt for the continual reminder.....and the gift of your company as I drove home through that storm. I learned so much from you that day.....and look forward to all the lessons God has to teach me as we enjoy this journey that God seems to have us on!!!!

 

"Then the LORD will appear over them; His arrow will flash like lightning. The Sovereign LORD will sound the trumpet; He will march in the storms of the south, and the LORD Almighty will shield them."

~Zechariah 9:14-15a

 

Extreme Dreams, LLC
Kathy Douglas
President
10603 Grant Rd. Ste 110
Houston, TX 77070
Office - 281-890-5034
Fax - 281-890-0300
Cell - 713-398-7304
www.extreme-dreams.net/
www.extremedreamsevents.com

kathyd@extreme-dreams.net

"Helping people enjoy the Journey as much as the Destination"

Visit my coaching journal at:

http://extreme-dreams.blogspot.com/